Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
