That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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