Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
