he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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