So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
