I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
