thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
