He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
