Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
