youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize