The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
