I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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