just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
