One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
