god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
