Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
