oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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