I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
