We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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