Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just forgot I was standing up.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
