All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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