he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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