Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
