I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
