I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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