Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
