I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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