i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he fucked my hip out of place.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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