I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
