1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
