I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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