don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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