Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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