To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
