Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
