who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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