i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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