Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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