Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
