I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
