i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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