I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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