i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
