He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
