Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
