I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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