Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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