Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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