I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
