don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
