I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
