What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
