Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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