i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
