Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
