I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You did what with his pubic hair?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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