If i come over, it means nothing
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
