I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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