sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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