all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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