Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
