i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
