How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
