I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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