I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
