wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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