you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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