when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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