she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Randomize
