you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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