I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
