8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
